2016

To quote Kylie Jenner. 2016 was the year of 'Realising Stuff'. You can see in my post here about the biggest 16 things 2016 taught me in a bullet point summary. This is kind of an honest look back at each quarter and mostly about my journey of my mental health from this year. 

Jan-March




Firstly I started the year with blonde highlighted short hair, as you can see from the picture above. I also started it not great personally and hanging around with all the wrong type of people for my mental health.
You can definitely see that reflected in my blog. In January I didn't post once, February 3 times, March twice and then nothing until August when I began to feel better.

It wasn't all bad. My highlight of this time was definitely going to Dublin which is probably the most spontaneous thing I've ever done or will do. I heard about it very last minute and just got up and went the very next week. Also coming back was the first time I'd ever travelled on a plane by myself. Which I was super proud of. I could not recommend Dublin enough. You can see what I had to say about it here in one of my very few blog posts I actually did this year.

April-June




By the end of March I was not ok. The previous year, someone I was very close to and who made a huge impact on my university life made the decision to take their own life and I developed PTSD. I still now don't really remember a lot of my university days because my my mind has blocked those memories to "protect me", so people say "Oh my god do you remember when..." and I either play off that I have a bad memory or laugh along and pretend. Which is annoying because I have the greatest long term memory usually.
 For a year after she died I didn't really look after my mental health at all and hung around people who were not good for me and believed the things my depression told me, like I wasn't worth anything and that everybody leaves me because of me. 
 On top of this I lost a few friends, who literally just stopped speaking to me. To this day, I don't really know what it was I did but I now know they are obviously not the sort of people I want in my life if they were prepared to leave so easily but at the time I really took it to heart, as they had been my friends for a long time.
 I felt like everybody in my life was leaving me and I sunk into the worst depression I have ever suffered. I have touched on it here, in my post about mental health which I posted later on in the year. I have had so much positive feedback about this. It was one of the hardest things I've ever wrote and stayed in my drafts for about 6 months even if it can help one person, it means the world to me.

So at the beginning of April, I decided to seek help and went on antidepressants which I was on until September/October and they changed my life.
May was when everything really started getting better and I would say a real turning point in my year. My wonderful housemate moved in and I can't even begin to describe how this changed my life. She is my rock and hopefully I am hers. And I love her more than words can possibly say. 

July- September




In July I started speaking to someone who sadly I no longer speak to but they inspired me to blog again. So I began blogging again towards the end of August and enjoying it and not worrying about if what I posted was good enough etc. I also went to Amsterdam with my best pal Jo for my birthday and had the most incredible time.
I also went back to Disney Land Paris with my beautiful family and had the best time waking up and seeing my nephews every morning was the best thing ever and I met Mickey AND Marie from the Aristocats. Its where my most fond memories are from this year and because I was enjoying life so much I didn't mind turning 26.

October- December




I tripled my page views for this year in October and then beat them again by November and it currently looks like I'm going to beat that again this December. I have just been throwing myself fully into blogging and just writing things I like rather than worrying if people will like them.

I have had a lot of positive feedback about my blog lately. Can I just genuinely thank anyone that takes time to read this little space where I talk about myself mostly and probably ramble a bit too much. I don't really know where I'm going with this little blog, I just know I like to write and its really the only thing I'm good at other than rapping all the words to 99 problems by Jay Z so yeah thank you if you read this and like it.

 I also keep going out partying with a bunch of 19 year olds which I never thought I would say as 26 year old adult. But I kind of don't give a fuck.
And to balance that out I have begun exercising more as part of my New Years Resolutions and I feel so much better for being more active. I feel like I have more energy, like my skin has improved and I just feel good in my own skin.

I hope that I continue the way I am now on to next year and that I never let myself get to how I was in the first part of the year. I am obviously not cured as depression isn't as easy as that and I have had bad moments still but its now just how I handle them. I don't get annoyed at myself when I feel low. I try to talk to people even though I still struggle with opening up (she says posting this to the internet full of strangers). When bad things happen I have an argument with myself to remind me that its not because of me etc. I'm definitely getting there.