Over the last few months I've kind of felt like I've been rediscovering myself and remembering how to be happy and confident. And when I've been reading back blog posts, I think it shows.
The beginning of this year started with a break up of a relationship I'd been in for a year and I didn't realise, until we had broke up how desperately unhappy I actually was. It's so bizarre because I didn't feel unhappy at the time but now I look back I realise I was miserable. I'm not sure if I tried to convince myself everything was ok as like a defence mechanism or what but I had no idea how bad everything was. I'm a very selfless and giving person and I gave so much into my relationship and I didn't get anything back. I spent so much of my time trying to make him happy that I forgot I had to be happy. Hindsight is wonderful isn't it.
When he left, of course as things always do, everything fell into place and everything turned out fine and I now live with my best friend. Because of all the negative stuff in my relationship I kind of isolated myself from my friends and my family because I was too scared to tell them what had been happening. And now I've grown so much closer to people in my life I kept at a distance. And now I feel like me again.
I gave myself two days after the initial break up to grieve. I literally sat in my front room with my friends in my monki jumper unwashed, no make up and they force fed me sweets because I couldn't eat and then after those two days, I went back to work, and I picked up the pieces on my own. And after about two weeks I genuinely started to feel happier, which I was really surprised about. Other breaks up, I've been devastated for months, even after a year I'd still be distraught. I think I've grown up a lot and I've got amazing people around me. I always think to myself when I'm stressed 'will this matter in a year'. Life's too short to cry about boys.
I've never been prouder of myself and how strong I was after everything. I picked up every piece on my own and I feel so confident and good about everything in my life currently. I just have this fuck it attitude and such motivation that I hope never goes away. Throughout my life I've struggled with negativity and I've found when you think positively everything works out, as silly as that sounds. And don't ever allow negative people into your life.
When I was with him I always thought, if we ever broke up my world would end and I'd never move on. And it didn't and I did.